Filled vessel

Few months back, I was very worried about myself, about my future. I was stuck in wrong thoughts. I was not sure if I could really do anything constructive with my life, could I stand up again? Could I leave all the sorrow, all the pain behind and walk the path I once wanted to? Can I move on to achieve my dreams? Will I be able to pick all the strength together and direct it in one direction, in the direction of my dreams?

There was time when I would just stare outside the window, thinking about the past, tears slowly rolling out. Was it my mistake? Is it that if I wouldn’t have made the move, things would have been different now? I don’t know. But now it is done. No one can change it. Life doesn’t give you an undo button. I am going to have to live with it. And I am ready to.

But how? There has to be something to get me out of it. I wanted to be busy, engage myself in some work that won’t let these bad thoughts bother me. But unfortunately, I couldn’t find anything interesting that could keep my busy. I felt like I was slipping deep into the trouble. Somebody please hold my hand and pull me out!

And yes, it is like God heard me and now I have so many things to do!

Actually I don’t have any hobby as such and I am not a party person as well. All these years, the only thing I have been doing regularly is studying!! I know it may sound boring but that’s the way I have been. I don’t know if I love studying but I feel that it’s the only thing that have ever bothered me and can alone keep me away from any other nonsense. And yes, at the moment it is the only thing that is going to help me achieve my dreams 🙂
I am not a book worm either because I dont’t remember half the things that I read in books 😉

Probably, God knows all this and so he has given me lot of things to study for rest of the year!

The first thing is, I want admission for business studies and that needs me to clear entrance exams. I have got two such entrance exams coming, one at the end of September and other in the mid of October.
After that I have my French exam, the DELF – A1. And I am really excited about it! It will be in November some time.
Then, I have already taken admission for part time course in Computer application. And since it is part time there won’t be any lectures or tests that will help me to keep track of my progress, which makes me really worried. So I have to take care of it on my own and appear to my final examination!

So there are so many exams, so many new things to study, so much of pressure which I actually love to have!

There was a time when I hated exams. I would cry out of pressure. But now I realize, they are the essence of life. It’s not that I face them happily but they give me reason to live (to some extent). I am talking about all sorts of exams. They help me to not to bother about mundane little things that unnecessarily occupy place in my head.

There is a saying – “Empty vessels make noise!” But now my vessel is no more empty and it won’t make any noise!


13 Responses to “Filled vessel”

  1. more than anyone else who can take care of you, you are the only one who would actually get yourself through thick n thin of time
    wonderful and honest post !

  2. Clunk !! Just testing 😉

  3. when the vessels are full, they expand to make free space!
    And, I know, you will fill it again with exams. lolz 😀

  4. that’s a sign of positive attitude..keep it up


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