Chaos… Continues

What is this feeling? Why is this loneliness… the emptiness…?

Why am I so dejected, so unhappy with my life? I have everything today. A highly paid job, a position where I always wanted to be, a lavish car I dreamed to have, a proper house of my own to live in. I am settled. Yes, I have everything today. But still, there is no satisfaction. My friends envy me. My parents shower their blessings now and then and keep on telling me how I have paid back their efforts. There is nothing else left to achieve at the moment. But still the void?

May be I know the reason. It is her. It’s been around 4 months she has gone to US. And more than a month we haven’t had a conversation. I miss her. Yes I do, a lot. Although our last conversation didn’t go well, I wish to talk to her again. I want to tell her sorry. Let us forget everything that has happened so far and make a new start to our relationship. I have realized things. I have changed. I understand things better now. May be I can deal with my emotions now. I want to give it a chance. Only if I could tell her this…

In last two years, we had come so close, as friends. She was probably the only person with whom I talked daily. I didn’t share everything with her, but I would just like to spend the time. She on the other hand, told me everything. What her mother said? How her dad reacted? How her sister cried and complained? Yeah… She was always that open to me. She believed in me.

Does she still believe in me? Can we be friends again? Will she tell me everything with same faith? What if she has changed too? If she doesn’t need me anymore, if she has already started search for another guy? What if she has forgotten me? What if I am nowhere in her life?? Then…?

What should I do? Should I approach her or leave it to destiny to decide our future?


For those who are newly following me, I used to write this series, ‘Chaos’ few months back.

My friend blogger Namita had started her series – ‘Mirage, An Incomplete Love story’. It is a story of girl who wishes to have a guy in her life. When I read her few posts in the series, I felt so connected! I felt like I know the gal! And I also know the guy! I then decided to write the guys part 🙂

Today I just felt to append the story. What must be the situation between the two? What they must be thinking after so many months? I just wrote the guys part…

I am wondering what the girl must be thinking?

I hope you feel connected too!


14 Responses to “Chaos… Continues”

  1. When we are devastated because of an end of a relationship, we go through so many things. Speaking from experience, the hardest thing that i thought we have to go through is the loss of the person. Even if the separation was mutual, even if we were the person who broke it off, we will still feel the emptiness afterwards. We miss the person, we miss talking to them, we miss having them in our lives, and we go through so many what ifs and so many if only i have said or done this. This is very normal and if you didnt go through this, well, the relationship may not have been that great to begin with. We feel so disorriented, we feel so lonely, we feel so crazy and confused that we do things that we may have not done when we were ok…. I guess that is part of the process. When we are still in conntect with these people, there may be signs and gestures that complicate the matter. She was more than usually sweet, she seemed to want me back, or we even kissed but afterwards, things became weird. What the fuck is that!? Well… We have to keep in mind that after the relationship ended, we weren’t the only ones who lost someone. We werent the only ones confused… She too has lost someone. She too is confused…

    But who are we really still in love with? Who do we still so desperately want to be with? Is it her back then? Or is it her now? Or are we just in the stage that we are over the person, but not yet over being with someone in general…

  2. girl you are giving me hopes now ;)…very well written..don’t know whether i’ll write the girls part…not so sure now…but continue with your series…would really love to read…thanks 🙂

  3. Very honest . Yes It is very lonely at the Top ! 😀

  4. Sounds too real….! Nice work… 🙂

  5. Ohh that’s interesting! I love this so much! Like a collab blog post/story or something…
    It’s so beautiful how you got into the guy’s shoes! Well done 🙂

  6. 🙂 🙂

    sometimes, getting drenched in rain helps to open up than to open umbrella ahead in time before the rain!

    experience of loss, missing, etc… they just let us drench and later, we will know what you told us here! Thanks D.

  7. Thanks to all for your comments! 🙂
    I didn’t realize, I wrote is so well! 😉
    Thanks a lot!!!


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